hi guys, first post in a long time, MUSIC MONDAYYYYYY!!!

 kay guys so yall will not believe what just made me finally write this post. i was playing an ai or human game (humanornot.so) and i tried to get someone to join and idk, they just visited the blog and somehow that made me wanna write this. sooooo. yey. a lot of stuff was going on and know we are mental health oriented but its pretty emberassing rn, and the last post was very mental healthish so lets let this be what it is.   

music monday

so ive got two recommendations for today but really the only one that i can talk about is is charli xcx's new single "house" or relatively new anyways. i love the lyrics, love listening to it you should def check it out, and it will be on a movies soundtrack that im also very excited for so YAY. the chorus is just "i think im gonna die in this house" and it has lyrics that have a lot of meaning in it so its def what i like to listen to 

just another random recommendation:

and thats all thx for reading <3-

THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE JUST GOT LOWER remember F, M and A? the new nice friendgroup i was included in? they just told me im hypersensitive and we are NO LONGER FRIENDS

 okay well yall who am i lying to this was something i expected a long time ago but... idk i guess i never really thought about it. this day has been such an emotional rollercoaster cuz that one time M and F left the trio groupchat i knew something was up but i was still like "oh hey are we okay?" thinking that it musnt be that bad. well i was obviously very wrong as my phone buzzed with a text message and these are going to be actual quotes (only some of them so the dialogue might seem weird, different messages are seperated by -) blue is sent by me, orange is sent by F

heyy - everything ok? - why did you leave "trio"? - well i dont know its weird that you made peace with G (also known as short ass bitch who i wrote about previously) im not mad bot nowdays M is like this towards you but this is not good that in school you are just standing there and i dont wanna do this so M left and so did i.

now i didnt write about this because i just didnt want to think of it but my personal experience is that im like some sort of lower class person in the friendgroup who eversyone can just shout with and treat like shit like it got to the point where people started asking me why im following them when they clearly dont give a fuck about me and i'd go into details but i really dont want to. why they think it was weird that i made piece with G is that i just really hated him and i let them know that i really hated him but they litterally asked me to make up with him so i did and now they are finding it weird which i understand on a level but i just told them that i litterally did it for them

well i litterally made up with him cuz yall have been asking me for like 1000 years - but whatever - and again- ok, i dont have the energy for this - then i guess this was good, who am i just standing there because of, in math class u were the one who litterally asked me why i had to sit there, summer was good but i guess we werent friends enough for you to sit next to me during math class - what - dave im sorry but you are litterally acting like a girl - who doesnt have the energy for this, i was always some kind of last person in the friendgroup and in my experiences it was terrible for me, if you think i wanted this then im sorry -

...

but litterally you get offended at whatever we tell you - yeah and if you were in the same position as me, yall are always telling me this what if i wouldve been offended by [something she's been offended by] - and i cant get offended when yall are litterally shouting with me getting me to sit to another place in school where ive sit for always just because you felt like it and me having to sit with a random person - or that [someone] hated me - or that M made fun of my skin condition which i told her it was a big problem for me - what if it was your problem she'd made fun of?  (highlighted cuz this hurt) - if just because we have different genders i gotta endure this then...

now i wont give yall anything more but then in the next messages she tells me that A had a reason to shout with me like all the time until i had to back off cuz everyone was looking at me AND I KNOW SHE DIDNT BECAUSE WHEN I TOLD OTHERS THE REASON WHEN THEY ASKED ME THEY WERE LIKE IT WAS PROBABLY A JOKE but it wasnt. AND THEN SHE BLAMES ME FOR BEING HATED BY THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE BECAUSE "I NEVER STAND UP FOR MYSELF?" then other stuff theres so much more but litterally in the beggining of the year i was the only one who didnt sit next to someone in the group because we had an uneven number and that one person was litterally the ex biggest enemy of F who somehow just mattered more then how i felt despite them knowing that i dont wanna sit next to someone else..... and me making up with G was... really i thought they would be glad but this is it, the lowest point of my life just got lower bye i will write about the hampster incident later 

PLEASE WRITE YOUR OPINIONS, I NEED THEM

why are you here? / music monday

hi. so i feel like recently we kindof lost focus of mental health so i made a a place u can anonymously write why r u here. i mean like... if u are okay or whats your story if you wanna share it. i will publish these in another post... so anyways thats all and hope u r okay <3

https://forms.gle/ZTz2c6UchQHF14tD9

MUSIC MONDAY

well i dont really have inspiration to write right now so i'll just get to the point

gnarly

okay so if u love kpop and charli xcx or brat or this sort of very electronic pop / dance then this for you. this is basically the one song brat. i absolutely LOVE THIS.

gabriela

this song is basically the new jolene. its about gabriela and she wants the performer's partner. anyways i love how its sounds and reminds me of jolene.

bittersweet

idk this is just a new release by madison beer and i love it. i mean its just one of these usual end of relationship whatever songs but yeahh...

i know there weren't many serious songs or one's that i could write a lot about like its meaning, message blablabla but ive been listening to songs for their sounds nowdays more then for the lyrics. anyways yeahhh so thanks for reading <3

music monday, why i couldnt pay attention to the minecraft server and the usual

yall i know im late again whatever. i dont even know if anyone reads this anymore so if u do then like give me a sign cuz yeah idk ive been missing so many posts that id litterally understand why noone cares.

so what should we begin with? stuff that i write in every post or music monday. if you dont care you can skip this but i just realized im the same person that people like step on and i cant let that happen i wont care how many friendships its going to take cuz real ones will understand THAT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TREAT ME LIKE SHIT HOE. anyways than theres this certain person that gives me the most mixed signals ever and really is just such an asshole anyways. ALSO ive been studying A LOT. working on my future i think? anyways yeah, thats what i will do after this post: learn physics. so far im at a b avarage cuz i missed a week of school and was behind on everything and i litterally had to learn like 6 subjects in the previous 3 days.

MUSIC MONDAY (late yet again, i should replace monday with something else but i wont)

STUFF YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO (now)

1. she's not me by THE QUEEN OF POP MADONNA (there wasnt a bigger font)

I JUST WANNA BE THERE WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING NEXT TO YOUR NEW LOVER. YALL HAVE THAT ONE FRIEND THAT COPIES YALL THEN THIS SONG IS FOR YOU (i have that one friend too tho we are both male so this song doesnt really apply BUT STILL IM LIKE I RELATE HOE) 

God Control by Madonna (TW gun control) 

You know that its serious when i type like a normal human being. actuaally, no i cant continue this but this song is a really serious one and i recommend listening to it. it not only blends being experimental with the 80's disco vibe, its a new era of the queen of pop bringing awareness to something new and i was just... i remember when my life was with this album MADAME X and i will write a post about it probably... but if its not obvious its about gun control and its not something i can relate to because its a way bigger issue in the US but it still talks to me and not only the lyrics its just how can someone 35 years into their career at the time release something so new and different and i dont even know what to say. YES, I WILL FINISH LEARNING AND WRITE THE POST ON MADAME X! i recommend this album idk yes there are cringe parts but i think its worth it. okay i rethinked it and not sure about the madame x post now but we will see.

 1. born this way by lady gaga

also sorry for the disgusting color choises i have no idea how to undo it this looked cool in my head

THIS ONE IS FOR ALL THE GAY, LESBIAN, BI WHATEVER PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY (cuz i know theres a lot of that in there) and like this is such  a good song. too bad she copied it off madonna's express yourself  cuz yall should look up the lady gaga-madonna beef she even copied her this year with the concert in rio and i just feel so bad listening to gaga. anyways GREAT SONG its about accaptance and lgbtq stuff and like saying u were born this way and u shouldnt feel bad for having sex with man or women or anything inbetween <3

music friday, cake, insanity.

 hey yall so i think im experiencing insanity right as im typing this. also i havent been to school this week idc. also i went on this giant rant infront of my father now he "cares about stuff" idk tho. 

I BAKED A CAKE

so the way i originally got the inspiration to make a cake involved a giant rant to my father and bringing a cake i made for myself to my fathers and her girlfriends house at 9pm in the rain. yall might hear that story idk if i will make a post about it (prob not cuz im mentally physically spiritually exhausted)


anyways that was the first cake but GUESS WHAT BITCHES, I BAKED A SECOND CAKE TODAY. yes and also guess what? I HAVE THE RECIPE. and also guess what? IT TASTED VERY FUCKING GOOD.


so i will give u the recipe and show yall a few pictures of the cake RECIPE AT THE END OF THE POST

MUSIC MONDAY(more like friday)

im so excited for this music monday CUZ THERE ARE A LOT OF MUSIC RELATED DISCOVERIES I HAD RECENTLY also more interactive stuff towards yall like whatever.


so first entry

ADDISON

(by addison rae) so this album really resonates with me cuz idk. i love aquamarine, a generic love song but its clearly inspired by madonna's ray of light with even referencing it in the lyrics, and referencing madonna's vogue dance moves in the music video. love diet pepsi too, another love song. but my two favorites are fame is a gun and high fashion. idk why but they are so good.

APHRODITE & ANGEL IN THE CLUB

2 songs very cunty songs from a relatively small artist thats pretty cool. aphrodite is clearly about beauty (makes me think about lady gaga's venus or the other artpop songs weve talked about but oh dont you dare think this post will lack a bit of gaga) and angel in the club is just pure cuntiness ngl.

ARTPOP (my mix)

so the new spotify update is out and theres this feature that you can now mix songs yay so i decided to mix artpop to my liking into a non-stop version. i added do what u want which was supposed to be on the album but removed due to contreversies and removed another shit song and screwed with the lineup to make transitions as seemless as i could. anyways so i think you can listen to this on phone or even on pc if your spotify is updated and has the mix feature.  thats all for todays post luv yall heres the recipe:  preheat the oven to 180 degrees and prepare the cake pan in which you will pour the cake. we needed a pan of about 15 cm, but it doesn’t really matter, the size will only determine the height of the cake. in the picture you can see about how big ours turned out in this pan. put baking paper inside the cake pan, but place a small dot of butter between the baking paper and the pan so that the paper sticks. i repeat, it must go between the pan and the paper, not between the cake and the paper.

3 eggs
3 tablespoons flour
1 flat teaspoon cornstarch (optional)
3 tablespoons sugar
for the 3 tablespoons flour add half a small teaspoon of baking powder. it’s important to use only a very small amount.

the sugar needs to be divided in half: beat the egg yolks with one half until foamy, and the egg whites with the other half. (start with the yolks because they take longer to whip, and meanwhile the whites would collapse.) whip the whites in a clean bowl without any trace of yolk.

then gently fold the yolk mixture into the whites. while doing this, gradually add the flour until incorporated. don’t forget to add a pinch of salt. then pour the batter into the pan and put it into the preheated oven for 30 minutes. we used convection, but if you don’t have that option the cake will still bake. after taking it out of the oven, wait until it cools before cutting it into three layers. it’s important to wait for it to cool, otherwise the cake will turn out bad. don’t worry if it sinks a little or looks wrinkly after baking, that’s normal.

filling cream recipe:
200 ml cold heavy cream (30% fat)
250 g cold mascarpone
3–4 tablespoons powdered sugar
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

1. whip the cold heavy cream until semi-stiff.

2. in another bowl, mix the mascarpone with the powdered sugar and cocoa until smooth.

3. gently fold the whipped cream into the mascarpone-cocoa base. if it’s too soft, chill in the fridge for 15–20 minutes. optional: stabilizer. i used one small packet of dr. oetker whipped cream stabilizer, as recommended for 200–250 ml cream. don’t forget to add a pinch of salt. once it’s ready you can spread it between the layers. this gives you a thick, tasty cocoa cream.

optional buttercream coating:
70 g butter
70 g powdered sugar

i also added one vanilla sugar, but grind it to powder so it won’t be grainy. alternatively, you can add vanilla extract or real vanilla. i used this cream to cover the cake around and on top. if you want a nice cake, cut the top smooth, or try trimming it around – i didn’t do that. (translated by chatgpt sorry if its shit)

school + music monday II

SCHOOL

well yall school started and idk if anything gonna change this year... i mean i will try. u know i have newer better friends and a bit of confidence now- i wont let these hoes fuck my future up and wont leave the ppls i care about alone. so yh im here im fucking back and thats all. also according to my friends i had a glow up over the summer?? omg yall thats like crazy (tho i really had one) but its not like im a fine shyt rn its more like i got rid of that chopped ass haircut and finally have clothes that a decent human being would put on their body. anyways. oh my god after i wrote this idk wtf just happened but i had this wave of uncertanity again thinking about the future - what if i die and its all for nothing or the world collapses and society ceases to exist as we know it today? and idk why i just had this feeling again. anyways thats about school. ALSO SORRY FOR BEING INACTIVE THIS WEEK I WAS JUST REALLY STRUGGLING.

MUSIC MONDAY YALL

kay so this week of mine was litterally full of music as i was just litterally so afraid of starting school and stuff but yeah we are here and my taste hasnt changed a lot since last week. there are new songs different songs but idk if i will have any new artists or genres. anyways lets stop the yappery and get into it.

jewels n' drugs by lady gaga ft t.i. n too $hort

i listened to this one a lot. its basically about rejecting materialism and taking love so that she'd rather want fun and love over money. okay now this isnt me but i just like the sound of the song like im litterally so materialistic but yhhhh. cool song worth checking out. the song is on artpop (2013) which i talked about last time but im going to talk about it again cuz i just explored more tracks on it. 

venus by lady gaga 

this song is about sexuality and love, a common theme in lady gaga's music. its not named venus by coincidence. if u paid attention during history lessons u know that venus is the roman goddess of love. its weird cuz in artpop mythology and sexual themes are pretty common. anyways its a very weird song, experimental, not at all radio friendly and thats all i gotta say about this one.

jealous type and need to know by doja cat

this is a new release pretty popular too its basically about being jealous in ur relationship. yeah. need to know is about attraction and love too but i like that one a bit more idk. 

the hills by the weeknd 

this one is prob the most popular of all the releases here. yeah its about... idk listen to it. im tired of writing so much. artpop is like a deeper album and more interesting TF IMMA WRITE ABOUT THESE.

i wont even embed the spotify whatever here cuz many of yall use apple music or other services anyways and im just lazy.

okay i also listened to many songs that i also talked about last time. something i still really like is sexxx dreams by gaga idk... its just so... different and explores themes of true love and like im in a catholic school but never had anything against people with different sexual orientations and its just such a special song. then also g.u.y. and remember how we talked about mythology in artpop? g. u. y. starts by referencing gods and whatever. idk. thats all thank yall for reading <3

music monday

 hey yall i decided that on mondays im going to share what i listened to during the week so yh this the list. also i will write about the songs/albums/artists

1. one word by kelly osbourne.

so yh we are starting with a weird one. this song (made by ozzy osbourne's daughter r.i.p.) is.... idk def a weird one. i guess it talks about comunication and the complexities of human desire. "silence tells me all i need to know" blablabla. its also about the concept of madness and what really solidifies this is not only a few lines, but that shortly after the song's release the singer was litterally in rehab. this was released in 2005 and it sounds a lot like that too. like i just downloaded it onto my ipod ahahahaha. anyways great song, worth listening to it.

2. bad romance by lady gaga

this timeless masterpiece needs no introduction (i hope) thats why i wont be talking about it that much. its basically about being in a shit relationship but also wanting to fuck but like its... like A BAD ROMANCE. u know, the title. also released in the late 2000's. fav part is defienetely the "walk walk fashion baby" then the "i want your love and i want your revenge i want your loveeee I DONT WANNA BE FRIENDS" and then the rest but thats part french. anyways yh, good song.

3. ARTPOP also by lady gaga

so artpop is a special entry here becuase its an album. okay also theres a song on the album titled after the album but this is about the whole album. released in 2013 artpop was defienetly the lowest part of lady gaga's career. it was too edgy, experimental and except for like 1 or 2 promotional singles NOT AT ALL RADIO FRIENDLY. the album explores themes of sexual desire, sex, physical intimacy and a bit more sex so its basically about sex and love but more about sex. okay i'd be lying if i'd say that because we also talk about fashion, fame, applause, materialism and stuff like that. its edgy, its risky and a bold move by gaga after releasing two banger, giant albums such as the fame monster and born this way. but also, its even better when it comes to aging. honestly, there are many 2010's elements but it just aged pretty well overall. here are tracks i love on the album:

sexxx dreams: its about gaga having a sex dream about one of her friends. so like u know. pretty simple to explain but really good song.

applause: its about gaga loving to be in the spotlight. period.

donatella: tribute track to the one and only donatella VERSACE 💜 iykyk

fashion: about fashion

artpop: love

g.u.y.: girl under you. thats litterally what g.u.y. stands for. ive got nothing else to say

MY FAVORITE OF THE ALBUM 👑

while not being officially on the album, this single was intended to be on there, but unfortuanatly a collaborator (r. kelly) was a bit contreversial so was removed of the album. now theres a christina aguilera version on streaming.

Do What U Want. its about being in love but not wanting to give ur mind or ur heart to them because theyd just break it, and instead ud get physical. "you cant have my heart and you wont use my mind but do what u want with my body..." while also having real feelings for them.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

envy the leaves by madison beer.

party 4 u by charli xcx

skin the collaboration remix by madonna

cry for me by the weeknd

john wayne by lady gaga

okay yall thats it thx for reading <3