summer! being threatened on the street and almost robbed, losing all my aura, health

 huh. its that time of the year... shorts, beach, parties. just being wild and feeling the wind blowing through the individual strands of your hair while you listen to the most basic mainstream summer pop song in your headphones. an unsuspecting person walks by and you flash a smile, because its summer. summer is when you thrive physically mentally sexually and spiritually. ofcourse they smile back at you because its the season of endless positivity, when noone has to do anything (that is if you don't have a job atleast, but even employed people take vacations, breaks and go to parties). that is if you are a "normal" person. me on the otherhand, i sweat all the time, i hate having to wear shorts and i never do because of my skin condition, hate going to the beach because i dont wanna be naked and when you look at all these problems it all just comes down to one, and its my looks. also that wind i was talking about earlier, its nonexistent here. did yall hear about the nino thing that everything is gonna be really fucking hot this year? well i think i can already feel it. i'd kill to be able to wear a hoodie rn. anyways lets talk about me. so my skin is getting better, i got some good medications, its gonna be great in theory. now i was on the street alone at night i was hanging out with this girl, you guys i probably already wrote about her in all the complicated friendgroup stuff. so we were drinking feeling great, everything was really good till i had to go home. like 3 guys and 2 girls sit next to me in the bus stop they start bothering me talking to me and then taking an object that i will not talk about because its a bad thing bad for your health and yeah. point is they ask if they can borrow it im like sure then they go "this is mine now" and im like "nooo please give it back" and then they are like "no" and then their girlfriends are like "give it back to him" so they give it back to me but they talk shit about me like oh "should i spit on him" and stuff like that. then when they gave it back to me they are like oh i shouldnt let myself be an easy target and i should stand up for myself and stuff like that. anyways i cant really decide if by the end they had a change of mind and started feeling sorry for me or smth. it was really fucking bad. okay also i have like massive anxiety because the girl i hanged out with, we had a call when i told her this whole thing and she hasnt called me back since and shes been in call with a messy person who is pretty evil since then and she prob saw our ig story and idk i wonder what she mightve said.maybe about me. well thats it for today thx for reading

also i just noticed that there happened some ui changes around here in blogger which is great cuz im pretty sure its the first time since like twothousand and fucking nine but actually blogger is a pretty active place, there are still hundereds of millions of posts made every month and a lot of blogs and people still use it and decide to sign up. especially now that the old 2000's feel of some of the themes came back. i know i love blogger. my next post is gonna be a thorough review of confessions II by madonna which is coming out in a couple of days and u should totally presave, preorder it and stream the singles that are already out, buy them on itunes, amazon music, wherever, watch the videos, blabla.cya 

THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE JUST GOT LOWER remember F, M and A? the new nice friendgroup i was included in? they just told me im hypersensitive and we are NO LONGER FRIENDS

 okay well yall who am i lying to this was something i expected a long time ago but... idk i guess i never really thought about it. this day has been such an emotional rollercoaster cuz that one time M and F left the trio groupchat i knew something was up but i was still like "oh hey are we okay?" thinking that it musnt be that bad. well i was obviously very wrong as my phone buzzed with a text message and these are going to be actual quotes (only some of them so the dialogue might seem weird, different messages are seperated by -) blue is sent by me, orange is sent by F

heyy - everything ok? - why did you leave "trio"? - well i dont know its weird that you made peace with G (also known as short ass bitch who i wrote about previously) im not mad bot nowdays M is like this towards you but this is not good that in school you are just standing there and i dont wanna do this so M left and so did i.

now i didnt write about this because i just didnt want to think of it but my personal experience is that im like some sort of lower class person in the friendgroup who eversyone can just shout with and treat like shit like it got to the point where people started asking me why im following them when they clearly dont give a fuck about me and i'd go into details but i really dont want to. why they think it was weird that i made piece with G is that i just really hated him and i let them know that i really hated him but they litterally asked me to make up with him so i did and now they are finding it weird which i understand on a level but i just told them that i litterally did it for them

well i litterally made up with him cuz yall have been asking me for like 1000 years - but whatever - and again- ok, i dont have the energy for this - then i guess this was good, who am i just standing there because of, in math class u were the one who litterally asked me why i had to sit there, summer was good but i guess we werent friends enough for you to sit next to me during math class - what - dave im sorry but you are litterally acting like a girl - who doesnt have the energy for this, i was always some kind of last person in the friendgroup and in my experiences it was terrible for me, if you think i wanted this then im sorry -

...

but litterally you get offended at whatever we tell you - yeah and if you were in the same position as me, yall are always telling me this what if i wouldve been offended by [something she's been offended by] - and i cant get offended when yall are litterally shouting with me getting me to sit to another place in school where ive sit for always just because you felt like it and me having to sit with a random person - or that [someone] hated me - or that M made fun of my skin condition which i told her it was a big problem for me - what if it was your problem she'd made fun of?  (highlighted cuz this hurt) - if just because we have different genders i gotta endure this then...

now i wont give yall anything more but then in the next messages she tells me that A had a reason to shout with me like all the time until i had to back off cuz everyone was looking at me AND I KNOW SHE DIDNT BECAUSE WHEN I TOLD OTHERS THE REASON WHEN THEY ASKED ME THEY WERE LIKE IT WAS PROBABLY A JOKE but it wasnt. AND THEN SHE BLAMES ME FOR BEING HATED BY THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE BECAUSE "I NEVER STAND UP FOR MYSELF?" then other stuff theres so much more but litterally in the beggining of the year i was the only one who didnt sit next to someone in the group because we had an uneven number and that one person was litterally the ex biggest enemy of F who somehow just mattered more then how i felt despite them knowing that i dont wanna sit next to someone else..... and me making up with G was... really i thought they would be glad but this is it, the lowest point of my life just got lower bye i will write about the hampster incident later 

PLEASE WRITE YOUR OPINIONS, I NEED THEM

friendship between boys and girls

 hey yall recently i started hanging out with a friend group filled with niceeee people and really they are just so nice and stuff but also recently it got a lot more complicated and its basically u know i hate all those "bro" kindof people like fuck u hoe i aint gonna be friends with u. the ones that believe in the "simple balkan life" the ones that dont wipe their ass. IF THIS IS U LEAVE!!!! now where im from a big part of the male population is litterally that so u know i have more female friends then male ones. u know i still have a few male friends but not a lot tbh. so i get all this shit from people thinking that im gay or that i just want to get a girlfriend this way so thats so annoying. but anyways neither of those are the case. so yeah like a few months ago i started hanging out with lets refer to them as A, F, M, later also K, and then even later G. now also that super short asshole is also in the friendgroup but i already talked about that b so lets not this time cuz i just dont want to. so i became really good friends with F shes a really nice person. then idk with K tbh but shes a nice person too. same with M, we are pretty good friends too. and then there was A. now A is this very nice girl but she has this bitch ass boyfriend whos super jealous and basically she said that he doesnt let us hang out together because of him. but hes like a nightmare bf hes litterally swears at her all the time and basically treats her like shit. but they have a really good relationship tho since A really loves him obv, to put up with all of that but she not only puts up with it shes completely okay with it. i was completely okay with it too. anyways 3 days ago they called me to meet him btu basically we didnt even talk and i was totally ignored but i met G instead whos like a nice person and stuff. i only interacted with her bf once and it wasnt too friendly but overall he wasnt as hostile as i expected him to be. so yeah i thought shit was going well and i had a great time with G and M, it was so fun and stuff. so next day i wouldve had tennis lessons but it started raining so they didnt like do it. so then m and g asked me to hang out and I WAS LITTERALLY SO HAPPY CUZ I DIDNT HAVE SHIT TO DO. but then they were like oh maybe we should meet up later bcuz we are going to the library first and then i said id like to go to the library but they insisted. it was kindof confusing and a bit sad but i was like okay. then hours and hours passed and all they ended up saying was ooh we gotta go home and we cant meet and im sorry I WAITED 8 HOURS FOR THEM. i was obviously mad and sad and since i just felt really alone and i thought ive found ppl tht are like genuine friends it was a terrible feeling. next day they were like oh we feel bad so how about we meet today. im like okay but i told them if they dont wanna hang out im good they dont have to but they insisted and said they wanted to and its not just that they feel bad. anywa
ys so they wrote this 11am. then AT 7PM THEY ASKED ME TO MEET. and i met them and there was A who they didnt even mention before and it was so obvious that they were hanging out for hours and it was such a bad feeling and it was so obvious that A didnt want me to come so he wouldnt be mad at his boyfriend and she even mentioned it once BUT ANYWAYS AND THEY WERE LIKE THE OGS AND I CAME IN THE FRIENDGROUP LATER AND SO APPERANTLY IM IN THE WRONG BUT NOOOOOOO anyways who am i to like fuck their friendgroup up but fr? like atleast be honest or something. anyways so i had a total mental breakdown like im talking crying for 3 hours straight but then F called me and we talked a bit but not really about that but yeah atleast i had something else to think about. but the positive part was that cocoa (my cat) got in my lap when i was crying. anyways so im so sad and this is why friendship between boys and girls WILL NEVER EVER BE THE SAME (lets not talk about the fact that once i met all 3 of their mothers at once and all 3 of them ignored me and i could never go to a sleepover with them and they do it all the time AND ITS JUST TERRIBLE WHY ISNT THERE A NORMAL PERSON THATS IN MY FUCKING GENDER anyways so im going to eat now thanks for reading.

writing music, inspiration, 2 weeks left, anxiety, short ass bitch, my goals

 hello.

so as some of yall might know i havent been posting recently and im sorry about that. well, atleast this post will be juicy. anyways so yeah this is like multiple posts combined...

short ass bitch, my goals

kay so yall know how i always talk about that fucking asian looking short b thats the most annoying person there is on the planet. and really no one notices except for me how entitled, calculated and manipulative he is? he really insulted me so many times that i just hate him now ngl and i tried being friends with him on multiple occasions blablabla its crazy. and lets not even talk about using random "professional" words in context that they dont make sense in, trying to look like some kind of genius. like one time he said "im partitioning the cells of a vhs virus" like what? anyways hes back at it again. i wanted to ask my friendgroup tonight to play amongus, this bitch was already there and idk i cant really tell u why hes a bitch unless u know him but actually, he has this... innocent physical apperance. very short, very asian full cheeks looking like a 5yo boy. so yeah idk but they are playing rn and im writing this and i know i have big expectations when it comes to loyalty and lets not even talk about the fact that im litterally the only one who noticed this about him BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS A NICE PERSON TOO until lately. anyways yeah. now about my goals ive been working out a lot lately so i guess a preferable physical apperance and health. eating better, thats something ive been doing too lately. then financial independence, degree, drivers license, stable income (not in hungary) idk how thats relevant but ive been thinking about it lately

writing music, inspiration

so ive been learning fl studio lately and actually, im getting better at it. so recently i started writing new music too - havent been doing that for a long time. and i was inspired by lady gaga's album artpop. so yeah i want to make a new debut single on a different name. and why will this be different? this production im working on will be so much more professional, layered, bettered that it will be crazy. its just really good and its going really great. so yeah i will have an artpop inspired debut single. crazy. but the weeknd's records inspired me too. so i was thinking about a pop-rnb song with hints of classic madonna production. anyways so whenever im writing music or making it im so immersed i just dont think of anything else. im going to do that a lot from now on.

2 weeks left, anxiety

okay so theres only 2 weeks left from the summer break and im litterally freaking out. i feel anxious again, have my panic attacks and just feel this endless anger. i really dont want to go back but i have to and it kills me ngl. i hate the teachers the rooms all the fake people in my class all being so kind and warmhearted towards eachother only to talk shit about eachother behind everyones back. i wish i could go in there and be like a ghost that they dont even notice... but its never that. i remember that feeling - when the teacher asks you, u reply wrong and she starts this personal rant. last time at the end of the year my biology teacher said everyone's year end grades happily but when it came to mine she said " b but you dont deserve it" or something similar but basically the same thing and i cant do that i cant go back, let them use me as a rug and then smile and thank them for teaching me. i dont wanna go. but this is what i say each year then i go and nothing happens. and lets not even talk about whenever i go in there, i worry about my apperance so much. but i dont care usually. or i mean i do my hear i dress up nicely but all the teachers asking me "omg have ive been eating enough" u fucking hoe yes i have been bitch im not starving im just skinny like why cant they just let me live in peace. whatever. 

okay thats all for today i have a story time post prepared for tomorrow anyways thanks for reading

my friendgroup and being a hater and an awkward person

 hi. so as many of u may know im a pretty bad person, like i have my anger issues, and i hate all toddlers and kids and idk why but they are just so annoying and it makes sense to me but im not sure about others. like i can just look at someone and tell if they are fucking annoying or nice and ngl it almost always works for me. anyways so i kindof hate on ppl for the tiniest stuff that seem big to me but everyone else is like omg its just that small thingy and that like for one example when this bitch ass dwarf ass guy in my friendgroup started being annoying but like super annoying, always one upping everyone and trying to do everything i do stronger and better and was like super competetive (probably bcuz except for us all the other ppl in the friendgroup were girls and tried to impress them despite this being a FRIENDgroup) i started hating him (btw i didnt always hate him, during field trip i totally thought he was nice but i was really wrong) and it was so obvious what hes doing but its like no one noticed. and he always used these super technical terms but in wrong context. it was like he had no idea wtf it meant and just wanted to show off that he knew that word like congrats u fucking dwarf now go sit down. like he was flexing with stuff that he could travel for free because of his disability and always seeked attention. like he always said "okay i will go home" just for us to get down on our knees and be like "nooo dont go please" and then theres the other one where he tried to show how deep and mysterious he was by playing a psychologist game while he knowing damn well we were going to switch games on roblox and see what he's playing. anyways but it was like noone else noticed except for my J who's now a member of us on discord but i will still just call her J cuz i dont wanna leak her name. so yeah. now lets get back to the dwarf guy. so this friendgroup is just really close to my heart because its a safe place and i can open up and its like i can talk and stuff... but not really because that one person i talked about would leak those stuff and joke around with it and its just never ever serious with him and it doesnt have to be he should just not leak stuff that should stay in the group. anyways he leaked a cringe video of me and got removed when starting to bitch even more so yeah.... i remember when i still thought he was a nice person and when we were hanging out on a field trip. anyways yesterday i hanged out with that zs i talked about and my "super toxic friend" which is crazy cuz zs is basically the biggest enemy of one of my closest friends now and my "super toxic friend" is a super toxic friend so i have no idea how i even got into that shit. oh and i was super awkward during the whole thingy and super cringe. okay so thats it for today thanks for reading yallll <3 

happy ending, chatroom, small thingys

 hey guys, recently there was some massive drama in my friendgroup cuz i like didnt like go with my friend to like one of the most dangerous place in town, despite her like never asking me before and like only mentioning it once and i litterally thought as a joke so she was like doing major drama. but anyways i said sorry she forgave me so thats great. also i recently created an anonymous chatroom on this site where yall can like talk since on the dc server anonymous confessions is like not really good for like talking, + someone complained that they gotta sign in to google when trying to comment, thats fixed too. anyways also i only recently realized that i didnt even thank yall for 300 views and its at 360 smth rn so thx so much and yeah... not much to write about today.

took a break, so sorry... update on my current stuff

 hey guys, im back, and i wasnt active on the blog or on the community and its completely my fault but this will change as i promised rn. so quick update, and why i wasnt like available:

idk, i was exhausted mentally and i just really couldnt talk or smth cuz it was my brain shut down. my irl friends kinda disappointed me cuz i was kinda looking for someone like me thats like screwed up and hates people for no reason and stuff (or i mean lots of reasons but lets not get into details) and i just couldnt so yeah im like too screwed up to have a match

and i feel so guilty for leaving many of the people that were reading this and seeking help on the server behind, and it wont happen again, not if i can help it.

fun fact, ive got no half sibling on the way so atleast i wont be like totally broke and yall know how material i am, or i mean not really cuz i took many of the other posts down because of how much info they had that couldve got me into trouble. and i know i said i'll put them back, but i wont because the censored versions basically contain little to no info or message that i was like trying to give to the readers.

anyways this is a change, a new era, and i'll continue like i began this community / blog

oh and also LARRY 😍❤️

meeting up with friends, working out, insecurities, silence between songs

 hey guys. today has been an eventful day, and probably one of the greatest i had in a long time. i mentioned that friend group that has that one unwanted person in it... well we just hanged out and he didnt come, and i felt really good ngl. i also met another person called kata, shes a pretty nice person. we had lots of fun. although i had this commitment like a week ago that i'd work out every day and... well i didnt. anyways [removed part about insecurities] anyways i also discovered this album called silence between songs like a week ago by madison beer and ive been listening to it non-stop... its really great. anyways back to my insecurity,i feel so bad that i might actually work out today and tomorrow and actually try from now on. only sometimes i forget and break my streak and lose courage... anyways i'll do it right after i finished this episode of the witcher (the last one) and i might not so if u see this and read this please dont stop bothering me until i work out😭 thx for reading <3

(edit)

i never thought of madison beer as an artist, but this album changed my perspective about her work.

FUN FACT:  i just realized that this blog is basically unviewable from a  smartphone. like not unviewable but u have to like move the page so it fits ur screen, sry about that. a web designer recently joined our server, hope she doesnt see this lol.

also, silence between songs cover looks really cool... it just gives me a nice feeling too... idk...