(before reading this i want u to know this aint no goodbye just the chapter of honesty, and yall still helped me so much and i will continue staying here and writing) i have this weird feeling in my stomach as writing this... so weird. i know i wrote that i wont write today but yet i find myself writing these lines. im listening to party 4 u by charli xcx and its litterally at the bridge part so yeah that might add something to it. anyways so i just realized that i owe lots of people with the truth here, which is the fact that this whole thing did not turn out as i wanted it to. i wanted this to be a place for my uncensored thoughts being said without consequences yet i find myself thinking about what other would think about my post or if this would help others when im litterally the one i wanted to help but failed. i dont have the capacity. its like being tired endlessly and each line i write or each new person on the server i welcome i just drain myself. but that doesnt change the fact that im glad people find eachother and help eachother there its just not what i need. god ive been writing for what felt like an eternity and yet im still 10th line... crazy. anyways so i'll stay and i'll do this whole server thing but i just thought that i owed people the truth so yeah, im still like glad its just... idk. this place isnt what i intended it to be. infact i had a first post like two pages long which was supposed to be the first post but i didnt post it... also now i have people from my real life here which is another thing i shouldnt have done. anyways so thats the truth, but i will continue to do this cuz ultimately the feeling of helping others kinda helps me too. also i was hanging out with my friends today and had a great time. yeahhhhhh thats it <3
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